even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
