His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
