Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
