Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
zippers are such a cool invention
this boner is exhausting
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
