Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
