Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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