can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
