U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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