Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
