idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
