but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
