We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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