I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
