Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
