I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
