What a fucking waste of an outfit
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
