People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
