my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
