I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
