Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I believe in your delicious
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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