We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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