Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
