she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are the jesus of drinking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
