yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
