My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
is wine microwaveable?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
