Screwed.edu
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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