You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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