She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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