Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
