he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
