What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
