I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
