goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
