youre lurking in front of me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
