Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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