well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
