nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
how drunk are you?
Several
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
