What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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