when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
