he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
