tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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