haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
