Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
