It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
