Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
