Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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