bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
