no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you had me at cake vodka
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
