I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
