His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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