I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
