So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
